The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 11

According to wiktionary, nihility means nothingness or nullity, while nothingness means:

- State of nonexistence; the condition of being nothing.

- Void; emptiness.

- Quality of inconsequentiality; lacking in significance.

Now, let's move to the next topic: what is the first cause? Some people do not have the answer, while some others prefer to stick with his or her firm belief / faith. At one point, I found this video:

There's a spiral of - some kind of - fear while imagining that we are born from void. While I was observing some busy people with their own activity, along with a realization that they have their own story, I unconsciously mixed all of those with a droplet of disturbance: what if all of these are not really that matter? Somehow, it annoys me to have a thought that we are a product of void. But referring to the video above, there's at least something in nothingness. In here, I can grab two kinds of statement. One, if there is something, who created that something? Two, if that something is not something, then back to the question of "how can we be here?" For me, both questions look valid. But ultimately, here's a question that I want to ask if we know what is the first cause of all of these: WHY (just simply accept that I want to fully understand the "why" before we move on to the next "what-where-when-who-how").

I believe the answer will be something useful, or not helping at all. At this point in my life, I'm pretty skeptical about the answer, so I'll go with 'probably not'. Yet, what's "not useful" for me, may turn out to be something major for someone else. If so, perhaps you need to shift your focus back to the important things that will affect your future.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 10

"It gets better." 

"Except it doesn't."

I'm not saying that positive thoughts are not good for you, but reality may, or can, or will, slap you really really hard if you are not fully prepared for worse stuffs, or the worst. I've seen some stuffs where some bad situations turn into something good, and on the other hand, turn into something worst. Literally, and not metaphorically. If you ask about the "root cause", let's say, it's a domino effect, although unpredictable. To be honest, I want to blame so-called culture. Unfortunately, some (can I say most?) of us are prisoners of our own choice. So, there you go.

What? But, how?

Let's talk about the combination of filial piety, mixed with "not-so-sure" financial planning and ambivalent marriage. It does sound like a bad situation, but it can happen (remember Murphy's law?). I remembered about someone who's financially drained by her own mother during her pregnancy. Some people said to let it go, or to treat it as a form of filial piety. Here's a thing: the financial issue is caused by personal greed. So, I really wonder if filial piety is something that important, since parents are just human. Nobody's perfect, yes? Although she and her husband seems to have a happy marriage and stable financial situation, those conditions do not stop things become better (well, a healthy baby boy), or worse (in this case, the parent-child relationship). So, in my perspective, "happily ever after" may happen in a ultra-mega-rare condition. Conclusion? Be careful using the term "filial", or, in other case, something you take for granted as a shield to cover your ass. Useful or not, things may turn upside down, even though most people agree that blood is thicker than water, since quote may not help when your fist is already clenched.

On the other hand, some people agree that the combination of "alon-alon-asal-kelakon" ("slow-but-sure") and a-marriage-with-pure-purpose is one of the true paths in order to make things better, although there's no guarantee that the journey will be a non-problematic one. Poking one of the "seven-deadly-sins" and merge it into life may be a recipe to disaster. Too many real samples for this formula, so I guess, up to now, it works just fine as long as you know the limit. I know it sounds like a method for campers (ask gamers to understand more about this term), but results are what I can see, while expectations are not something I really want to comment (a little bit, maybe). Conclusion? Some things may require a lot of time, with the additional parameter of "as long as you think that it is good for you, and also others". Again, useful or not, there's no guarantee on the transformations that you will encounter. If you see it fit, as long as the situation permits (don't forget to do risk assessment), then just try it. "You can't hurry love", sang Phil Collins.

So, what's the point of this post? Probably none, but you can think this as a note that "your way" may be suitable for others, or may not. Perhaps, there's no static formula for life as it may be useful for one group but not for the others, and there's no clear separator between useful and worthless. As an additional note, what are the differences between good and bad, and where did they come from? Were they born as products of justification? Where did all of these come from? And how? And why?

"Okay, some things get better, and some don't."

That, I can agree.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 9

As this is the 9th series, I'll give a special warning. Do not read if you're not prepared. I will not take any consequences as my teacher once said to me: "There's no right or wrong in an opinion, and you may question everything."

---

Once, I blurted out this question after give a glance to nautilus: "Do you know about the golden spirals?"
"What about it?"
"I'm just thinking about 'cause-and-effect', 'karma', 'butterfly effect', 'domino effect', or 'ripple effect'."
"Yes?"
"To a certain point, there's a particular thing that triggers all of . . . these," I waved my hand to myself, him, and every things around us.
"Do you mean like, big bang?"
"Exactly. But what triggers the big bang itself?"
"Some said nothing triggers big bang. In other words, the first cause is nothing. But, personally, I still keep a slot inside my brain that something should be held responsible."
"I recall you like The Matrix."
"Sort of. Why?"
"Religion is a sensitive matter. That's why, I bring The Architect into this picture."
"Fair enough. Go on."
"For some people, The Architect may resemble the existence of the Omnipotent One, or the one who needs to be held responsible for the big bang."
"That, or The Architect himself is a product of big bang."
"Interesting point. Yet, those two points do not bring us further."
"As to 'what' and 'why', correct?"
"Yes. Either way, whether The Architect exists, or not, it does not bring us to the conclusion of 'what' and 'why'. Although it will sound like a mockery, the role of The Architect himself is vague."
"The fear that I will always have, is like, all of these mean nothing. A mere justification since we, humans, need something to hold onto. Something to believe, to worship. Idol."
"And without it, Homo Homini Lupus."
"Now, everything that the monk said, starts to make sense. Full is empty, and empty is full. All of these are a mere justification, or illusion, since we starts from nothing, and we'll return to nothing."
"So, why are we here again? Why don't we stop making babies?"
"I don't like the idea of pointing the fault to our DNA, but that's one of the easiest things to do."
"Suppose I say that either the big bang itself, or The Architect himself, is the chaos point of what we acknowledge. Will you receive it?"
"...I need a beer."
"Nice trick, but that doesn't answer my question."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Go on."
"For me, I won't. It does not fit the pattern that we comprehend as of today. Saying 'nothing' as the start point of everything is like 'all-of-these-are-for-nothing'. The pain, joy, sorrow, happiness. What are these chemical reactions for?"
"Say, if The Architect is the first point of everything?"
"...can I skip this one and return it back to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I want to know your answer."
"Personally, it still doesn't make sense. It's like thinking that humans are similar to cattle, breed for a certain, or unknown purpose, which may end up in the slaughter house. More to pyramid of castes in which the pariahs will go down first, no matter what."
"...I seriously need a drink. Shall we?"
"After you."

---

"All of the questions before, does something happen to you?"
"It's like this. If the things you trust the most are nothing but fabricated lies, what will you do?"
"Is that how you see the society, or something else?"
"That's for everything. In a simpler term, something that will make you scream 'my-whole-life-is-a-lie'!"
"Well, there are two golden rules for everything."
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That's one."
"The second one is the opposite. Ever heard of Jack Donovan?"
"Surprise me."
"Here's what I can remember: 'Violence is the gold standard, the reserve that guarantees order. In actuality, it is better than a gold standard, because violence has universal value. It’s time to quit worrying and learn to love the battleaxe. History teaches us that if we don’t, someone else will.'"
"Back again to Homo Homini Lupus. From what I understand, the existence of The Architect is less important in today's society. However, the golden rules do not answer my question of the reason."
"Do you think you must know the reason of the first?"
"Once, my friend said that he will achieve enlightenment, just like Buddha. Probably this is the same thing, although I must admit that doubt will always haunt me."
"What kind of doubt?"
"That the enlightenment itself does not exist. Or, like Vanya said, a product of white lies for a greater cause."
"Vanya?"
"Ivan Karamazov."
"Then why don't you make one? Your own raison d'etre, I mean."
"They always end too soon. This one will be the ultimate, since nobody can provide the answer. Well, up to now."
"So, instead of move forward, set your focus to the future, you'll create a path to the past so that you can move forward."
"Kind of."
"I still don't quite understand. Technically speaking, you can believe on the thing, or things, that you can choose to believe in. Even if you choose not to believe, you already stand on something."
"Yes, but those things may have 'holes'. Imperfect stuffs. It's not easy to fulfill all conditions."
"What if that imperfection makes us unable to understand perfection, such as the first cause? You won't reach the point to understand the whole plot of existence just because we are, in a way or two, designed to understand the other way around."
"...you got me there. In other words, there's a probability that asylum is the perfect place to reach perfection."
"I won't say amen to that, but somehow, I do believe that it's possible."
"I hope you're not trying to say the same thing for the 'previous'."
"I'll keep my mouth shut for that. Most of us are still comfortable with Stockholm syndrome. I won't say a false sense of liberation, since it may be applicable to myself. Even you."

---

And the world goes on and on.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 8

"No puppy love while you're still studying. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal."

More or less, that was the kind of dialogue between my parent and I. Technically speaking, as an Asian, I have to say that the dialogue above is not an Asian stuff. Yet somehow, I do (partially) understand that 60's was not an easy period, especially for (poor) Chinese migrants who came to Indonesia. In short, money or education would get the first priority. Additionally, the dialogue above would be added with these: "Do not worry about getting a girlfriend, or even a wife. Once you're rich, you'll get 'em." I nodded silently, while accepting the quote as some kind of wisdom, or just a normal stuff, however random. Besides, it wasn't like I could say no, unless I could counter parent's rage and rattan attack (on a different note, I was told by everyone that, as a child, I must listen to whatever my parent said, no matter what, and no talk back).

As time goes by, while I chose to obey and manage stuffs (homework-tests-homework-tests-and-so-on), I prohibited myself to build an extension of myself: to understand other people better. At that time, I only saw people as a number. Report card was (and is) the easiest media to do the judgement, to see who are the smart guys, not-so-smart guys, and rebels. The system was built that way, and I was (kind of) "forced" to accept it as something normal.  Why? Because I chose to be on the top of academic pyramid, complete the whole educational set (at least up to bachelor's degree), work behind the desk, get paid, save money, and, by then, fall in love. It was such a plan.

Due to that grand plan, I couldn't say that I taught myself to watch over my own body, or at least my own health. When my PE score is one of the lowest (apart from art class), I didn't mind. Yet, there was one time when I couldn't do the number two for a week, which made me down with fever and nausea. I should realize that education, however important, must not be accompanied with neglected health condition. Mind you that in order to stay awake, I "injected" myself with huge portion of instant noodles and sweet coffee for supper. Sometimes, I would sleep 1 hour so that I could temporarily remember the materials for upcoming tests. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? Yes, I did realize that I wasn't one of those brightest guys, but I did believe that hard works would be paid off (laugh if you want, but that was something that I chose to believe, and to adore).

Then it came to university. It was nothing much, since the judgement system was still, more or less, the same. However, I started to choose to comprehend [how to be a human]. In other words, I got more friends, learned a lot of new stuffs, and made more interactions. Meanwhile, I thought the possibility of the other side: what if my parent was wrong? I mean, they are human, not a demi-god, an alien, or even a higher being. A chain reaction exploded. Will my grand plan work? All those academic achievements, were they meant for nothing? Confronted with such questions, those adults who gave the advice in the past would reply with this line: "Oh, you're smarter now, eh?" With mixed feelings, I didn't like that. It sounds like that knowledge and information are born for the purpose of being a sinner, however advance he or she. Therefore, silence is golden.

The die is cast. You cannot revert back porridge into rice. In the end, the grand plan would require certain justifications, with accurate timings. Some things would be hard, however improbable, to be built. Connections are not something that you can built in seconds. Trust is not a mere instant noodle. Doing things alone are not that bad. Since walking alone becomes a habit, I will just reply every "are-you-still-single" questions with a nod. Shit happens, and having a memory of puppy-love was, sadly, not in my list.

In the end, I can't point my finger to anyone with "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?" It's probably that most people just want to see the history repeats. While the darkest secret is not something meant to be shared, misery, however, can be "made" as something to be spread, like a virus (a meme, if you want). I chose to believe that everybody has, at least, one secret. Even my own parent. In summary, whatever you choose, you'll wipe your own ass.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 7

There was a vivid bit of memory, which I can't say that it's a pleasant one, but rather, an educational one. The bit takes me back to a certain event when I was seven (second grade, I believe). It was rather morning (I guess 5:30, since the class would start at 7), I was re-reciting several verses from the Bible since some of the parts would be asked during written test. No kidding. So, there I was, with my mom, checking the verses in the Bible while I re-recited them. I wasn't very sure what was the purpose of the test, but when adults said "It must be done,"; then so be it.

Why suddenly the bit pops out, I have no idea. There is but one verse that I remember until now (Romans 6:23). As for the rest, I think my brain rearrange the priority slots. But you may ask why Romans 6:23? Here it is: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord." I don't know why, but somehow, I think there's a link between that verse, and the "reward-punishment" method that my parent used.

You see, for me, the "reward-punishment" method is something similar to the "treat" training, if you own a pet. For me, while the punishment could come in the form of caning (rattan), the reward itself might come in the form of either toys, comic books, or movie tickets. Less than 60 points means rattan, while 100 points means a reward. How about 60-99? Well, depends on the situation, but I was hoping that rattan would not swing.

So, was the method useful? I would say, yes-and-no. Academically speaking, in my own opinion, the method is pretty much useful, as long as I could upgrade myself to enter the next class. Whether I could grasp the core or not, it didn't matter. Before I entered university, although I chose to enter science class, the highest mark was on the English test. On several events in my life, it does help me, like, a lot. While for the others, well, there's a wikipedia to check on - for example - what medulla oblongata can do. Or wolfram-alpha to check what's the relationship between sin and cos. Please don't ask "Why medulla oblongata?" and say that relationship between sin and cos is pretty much okay and they meet at 45.

In the end, until now, when it comes to the working stuffs, that method still exists in several fields, no matter what. No one will complain as long as the excitements and rewards (simply say salary) are there. But there's one thing: I can't answer whether it's useful or not. Imagine a zocchihedron. That's my best answer, up to now.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 6

"Oh my goodness! Why are you so skinny now?!"

As predicted, that's one of several normal responses if someone transform him/herself from 90+ kg (around 200 lbs), to 70 kg (around 154 lbs) just to maintain his/her own health. Explanations may come and go, like "Oh, I just want to gain muscle and cut those fats." Or "I want to stroke down the blood pressure." Simple reasons with bonuses, like healthy condition and sleep well. But what makes me confused, is something like this: "You look like a sissy in beauty salon."

A long silence.

Allow me to put several facts here. A mother of two, who's trying to reduce weight with liquid diet and without exercise, said to me, someone with normal diet and normal exercise hours, that I look like a sissy. Probably, according to her own belief, the structure of my body is labelled as similar to a sissy, if I'm not overweight.

My respond? "Well, my blood pressure is normal now. That's important for me."

There are a lot of friends that suggest me to do a healthy diet and regular exercises. Although it will take months, at least the body will be in stable condition for a long time, unless you're in favor of the "instant" rewards. Been there, done that, didn't work.

Similar to the beliefs of some of the family members, someone who's fat can be considered lucky. Why? If there's no "hole" while opening the palm and sticking your fingers, it means that the "fortune will not slip away from the hole". Somehow, it reminds me of some obese people in Chinese drama who's attacked by heart condition. Again, it's not the matter of skinny or not. For me, health is my main priority. I just want to enjoy a good night's sleep.

Forsooth.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 5

Marriage.

Please. Do not start to screw me by using this topic as a shield. Although it's something that everybody will point out every single year (well, the Chinese New Year to be precise), it does not mean that I want to talk about it. Rather, I'll drive the conversation to a whole new theme. Like, for example "How's life?"

Here's the thing. "Life", as described by many people, is something that does not come with a guidebook. Rather to say, let's talk about the so-called gossipers inside the family. Backstabbers, if you prefer. Zero backstabber means that your family is in pretty good - and rare - condition (at least that's what I believe). Why? Here's a story.

Once upon a time, there was a small happy family (let's say, the Y family). However, misfortunes stroke upon the fate of each members inside Y family. Y-father is down with disease. Upon the tragedy, Y-mother needed money in order to survive, while the Y-children are separated from Y-mother in order to continue the education. Here's a keyword: money. The brothers and sisters of Y-mother lent her some money in order to continue on living.

As the years went by, Y-family finally stood in a firm position. Remember about the keyword above? Yes. When one of the lenders asked for a bit of money (without interest, mind you), the Y-mother refused. Instead, the Y-mother kept the bad rumors circulating around about how bad the lenders were. The end? No. To be continued? Yes.

So, what's the point? How can the story be related with marriage? Well, money is the main topic in the story, while inside a marriage, money is one of the relevant factor that you can't refuse. And I can't provide a living for two. In short, let's get real. Without stable income, what do you, and your significant other, want to eat? Love?

As Ebenezer Scrooge said: "Bah! Humbug!"

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 4

I remember about my brother's second visit to my current "home". Bounded by 2 hours on a plane is not a bad idea, I guess. According to the social rule, as far as I know, the older brother ie expected to become the role model. But I didn't, don't, and (probably) won't follow. Back then, I was overruled by the third party, which means, my role as the role model was invalid. "Just get the good grades, and get the bachelor degree" was my main function. So, you see, thanks to that, we're not having that kind of "good-friend" ties. For me, it's a pure formality, and probably it's way too late to fix it.

The first day of his visit was filled in with both of our current workspace: "how's work", "how's the management", "how's mom and  dad", and so on. Until, late that night, the mood was perfectly ruined with the question about relationship. I suspect there's an army who will hunt down those 30-and-still-single, especially for women. Long live patriarchy, eh?

"So, girlfriend?"
"Not yet."
"You're 30, and you're ready for that."
"Says who?"
"I stand corrected. Nobody will be ready for anything, but you're 30. You need one."
"Again, says who?"
"You are aware that dad is 60 years old."
"And not working, and no saving. Yes, I'm aware that much, thank you very much. Don't even try to change the subject. I ask again. Says who."

Oh, boy. Things will get ugly from here.

"What's your point?"
"My point is, I'm staying here for work. Not for a girlfriend."
"Make a time for that."
"If I can, I will. Problem is, I can't."
"Why?"
"Work."
"But..."
"No work, no money, no food for you guys. Is that what you really want?"
"Hey, I have a job."
"Will your saving cover your plan to buy a house?"
"We can manage something. You don't have to worry about that."
"I bet there's nothing in that something you mentioned. Don't throw a fake ball."
"But you're 30. The moment you reach 40, it's already too late to become a parent."
"Then you can go ahead. I don't mind. I never asked you not to overstep me in marriage."
"But it's not according to the standard."
"Did our family grow according to the standard?"
"If you worry about the money, I'm sure that your income will doubled. Or even tripled."
"Again, says who?"
"Look at our parent!"
"No saving. Reality check. You forget the neighbor. Divorced, two children, no saving."
"You're stubborn."
"Let me do my own part. For you, get yourself a girlfriend, marry her, and prove me wrong."
"It's useless talking to you."
"Not for me. At least, I finally see what's in your head."
"Which is?"
"Being single will always be labelled as useless cause it won't grant a child. If that's your point of thinking about filial piety, then I shouldn't be here in the first place. I could stay as a close-minded person with the basis of living-from-paycheck-to-paycheck."
"You've changed."
"Everybody is."

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 3

That particular night, I dreamed about getting a kiss from a friend. Let's call her Soy. Not a vivid dream, but I remembered the words that I said after the kiss "Better?" When I woke up, I bet I made that face-saying-seven-hell. In reality, Soy and I are not that close, although it's fun to have several small journeys with good meals and good stories. As for why I got that dream, I didn't have a clue. Not a single one. Until this day, that dream doesn't make any awkward situation. A good sign? I don't know.

Unrelated with Soy, there was one time I got a happy dream combined with a confusing message. Let me ask you this: will you make a happy face even if you get a dream with 'If you're lying, I'll kill you' message in the dream? Yes, that kind of dream.

"Dreams are the touchstones of our characters." - Henry David Thoreau.

Although Freud said that dream is, probably, an interpretation of repressed wishes, as for my case, it will become a small flick that may trigger actions that I'll use to analyze stuffs. Useful? Probably. Or probably not. Besides, there's no guide book or holy scripture about dreams. Whether it's better to do something to get that dream but fail, compared to wait-and-do-nothing; whether you believe either one of those are useful or useless, again, there's no holy scripture or holy formula for it.

Even if you know about the Akashic Records, things seem pretty much useless. But putting that aside, most of the times, I don't have a particular reaction with déjà vu. I am fully aware that life cannot run backwards as I don't have the skill to control the flow of time. A dream is a dream. Whether it's a déjà vu, whether it's useful or useless, I always try to see it from different angles. Pretty much interesting, I believe.

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 2

Not long after that dinner, either by a struck of bad luck, or karma, or malice, whatever it is, we got another gloomy information. J's contract would not be extended. According to her, the company was not in a good position to keep the business going, so the management made several cuts. Her contract was one of the plan. In short, she went for another job hunting while fulfilling the current contract. Dinner time will always be the perfect set for me to retrieve information.

"So, did she call you guys?"
"Yes, just to inform us about that."
"Does she share the plan? I mean, whether to stay here, or go back."
"Nope. We don't know. Probably she doesn't share about it, except with her husband."
"Well, probably."

It's not unusual for us (by us, I mean me and J, who's my cousin) to be 'easily' compared by using money. It's the easiest parameter that we can use (or, at least, to see the things 'born' from money). So you can see the "atas" class in a single glance(by "atas", I mean the upper class).

But then, how about the middle and lower stratum? Simply put, struggling for balance: food-education-bills-etc. Unless if they want to mutate their own status. Probably that's the way the society works. Yet, the show must go on.

Later that night, I called my parents. I'm not staying with them, due to some circumstances. A usual chit-chat, asking for the latest information about neighbor, weather, economic, and so on, until my mother pulled the string about J.

"Probably J will come back."
"That, I don't know. We'll know about it soon."
"Probably it won't be useful. You know, it has been one year since her wedding, and her mom already snaps about baby."
"But she's already has grandchildren. Plus, it's not like she will participate in taking care of the baby."
"Well, you know. That's just her style."
"Kind of a useless tantrum."
"So, how's yours?"
"Nothing, really. Money comes first."
"I see. But just don't pretend that you have total control of time. Nobody does."
"I know that."

After the call, before I hit the bed, I kept on thinking about the partnership in starting a family. Do we have to, even if it doesn't bring any benefits? What's the point?

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 1

Sometimes, I have a dream about math exam, in which, I develop a fear of getting a really bad grade. Probably I'm not the only one, but by having such dream, along with the fear itself, perhaps I cultivate it out of self retaliation, without purpose. Why? No reason. Maybe it's just there, together with creation and destruction business. Apart from the fear of bad grade, if I can recall a part of my own history, I believe being labeled as useless is the root.

A friend of mine, let's call him Queen for a while, were asking "Will you detox yourself? Nobody will help you, except one, you can pay for the process, or two, you meet a rare non selfish person." I don't know the full details about Queen's way of life, but he did tell me a summary of his history, which goes like this: "I was knocked down seven times. Yet, I'm still alive." Speaking about vigor, probably he doesn't give a damn about labels.

Label. A stab made by poisonous words, or elixir contains joyous words. Depends on your path, probably we'll encounter more pitfalls of destruction. Easiest sample? A destructive gossip.

Talking about gossip, one year ago (sort of, but not exactly one year), while having dinner with my aunt and uncle, they raised a topic about someone inside the big family. "You know J? Her husband is jobless now. And, as usual, J's mother is a pitfall of doom. Nothing good will come out from her mouth." I tend to agree since I was backstabbed by her in the past. But let's forgive and don't forget.

"So, how's J now? Did she call you guys?"
"Nay. Probably she won't. Unless it's a matter of life and death. Or money."
"And her husband?"
"Still looking for a job."
"Not easy, I guess."
"It depends. But looking back at his achievements, probably he'll get something soon."
"We'll see."
"Since that woman always yell 'useless son in law'. We pity J, but we can't do anything."
"That will pass. I think."
"How about you?"
"Me? I'm fine."
"I mean, do you want to become permanent resident?"
"A good question. I'll think about it once I get the permanent job. After the contract, of course."
"Why?"
"Seeing my current setup, I don't have a single clue whether it will be useful for me. No impact during these 4 years."
"Well, up to you then."

The conversation ended along with the dinner.

From my point of view, there's no book that will clarify the usefulness of something. Even if someone makes it, soon the book will be forgotten.