Thursday, May 01, 2014

The Ambiguity of Usefulness ~ 1

Sometimes, I have a dream about math exam, in which, I develop a fear of getting a really bad grade. Probably I'm not the only one, but by having such dream, along with the fear itself, perhaps I cultivate it out of self retaliation, without purpose. Why? No reason. Maybe it's just there, together with creation and destruction business. Apart from the fear of bad grade, if I can recall a part of my own history, I believe being labeled as useless is the root.

A friend of mine, let's call him Queen for a while, were asking "Will you detox yourself? Nobody will help you, except one, you can pay for the process, or two, you meet a rare non selfish person." I don't know the full details about Queen's way of life, but he did tell me a summary of his history, which goes like this: "I was knocked down seven times. Yet, I'm still alive." Speaking about vigor, probably he doesn't give a damn about labels.

Label. A stab made by poisonous words, or elixir contains joyous words. Depends on your path, probably we'll encounter more pitfalls of destruction. Easiest sample? A destructive gossip.

Talking about gossip, one year ago (sort of, but not exactly one year), while having dinner with my aunt and uncle, they raised a topic about someone inside the big family. "You know J? Her husband is jobless now. And, as usual, J's mother is a pitfall of doom. Nothing good will come out from her mouth." I tend to agree since I was backstabbed by her in the past. But let's forgive and don't forget.

"So, how's J now? Did she call you guys?"
"Nay. Probably she won't. Unless it's a matter of life and death. Or money."
"And her husband?"
"Still looking for a job."
"Not easy, I guess."
"It depends. But looking back at his achievements, probably he'll get something soon."
"We'll see."
"Since that woman always yell 'useless son in law'. We pity J, but we can't do anything."
"That will pass. I think."
"How about you?"
"Me? I'm fine."
"I mean, do you want to become permanent resident?"
"A good question. I'll think about it once I get the permanent job. After the contract, of course."
"Seeing my current setup, I don't have a single clue whether it will be useful for me. No impact during these 4 years."
"Well, up to you then."

The conversation ended along with the dinner.

From my point of view, there's no book that will clarify the usefulness of something. Even if someone makes it, soon the book will be forgotten.

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